Just like that pit in your stomach when you're excited and eager for the airplane to land, but then there's turbulence and you just pray you land safely and without throwing up...well, that's where we are in this journey...
Only two months left of chemo, and yet we've hit a little bit of turbulence. Yep, you read that right my countdown can now be done on one hand. Two months left, two clinic visits left, only one spinal tap left. Then, one more trip to the OR after that to remove my port. Fantastic right, nearly there. Time to raise up my arms and run around excited... Well not just yet. Each day fighting this disease is just as important as the day before and the day after. There's no loosening my grip, no free-fall.
Mom took me to my clinic appointment yesterday and talked to my NP about my counts and my blood. I'm pale. The bump up in my chemo the last two visits is finally catching up to me and is killing my would-be-but-sure-hope-they-are-not-cancerous-white-blood-cells as we had hoped, bringing my 1800 to 900. Yikes. But the bump up in meds is also killing my red blood cells and making me pale like a vampire. I hope I don't start getting too irritable, and feeling yucky. My vocabulary is worlds from where it was a year ago, but I still can't quite find a way to tell my family if I just don't feel good or have a tummy ache or headache. Please pray for me, if you pray, that my body recovers some, even though they are keeping me on this high dose, and that I don't need a transfusion and that I don't catch a cold. With an ANC of only 900, I'm still immunocompromised. At this rate, I'm not sure I'll ever be let out of this house, except to go to church. I do so enjoy that! If I could travel, I'd love to go see the Pope! How exciting that he's here in the states! But, the crowds- oh my- too big for me!
I'll tell you something though, between you and me... Every time he kisses and blesses a child with Down Syndrome, I feel like he's blessing me. I know I was meant to be here and that through me God is teaching us His lessons about love, prayer, the value of all living persons and the purpose of suffering. We are all God's tools. We all can be instruments of His peace. That's one of my favorite lines from Pope Francis's name sake's prayer. What kind of tune are you going to play on your instrument today? How will God use you today?
I'm just going to try to hold it together today. A quiet melody of giggles and smiles. I hope to feel better. I hope you're feeling ok too. Start washing your hands more, covering your sneezes and get your flu shots. You're protecting more than just you, you're protecting your loved ones and all those in your community.
Mom let me buy some band aids from the pharmacy.
Mom took me to the zoo for a quick buzz in the fresh air to see the new baby giraffe, but she was not out in the yard. But I got out of my stroller for two whole seconds to compare my height to that of some horses. Boy am I getting big! Thanks Mom! It's still too risky for me to touch any of the really cool park and playground equipment at our Zoo. Maybe next spring.
Mom paid it forward and bought a stranger a coffee on the way home. This card is about the paying it forward concept and about raising awareness about childhood cancer.
Thank you St. Andrew School and Mrs. R for the book donations! Mom filled up the bin again and tons of kids will have books to keep their minds off of things while waiting for treatment at the MACC Fund!
May God bless you and keep you safe. Thank you for your prayers.
