So, my mom taught me this jingle about writing papers. You wouldn't think a lot of kids my age write papers, but a few do. Speaking of my age, I'm 4 now, but back to my story. When writing a paper, Mom says:
1)Tell them what you're going to tell them.
2) Tell them.
3) Tell them what you told them.
So, here goes. Tell them what you're going to tell them.
Cancer is over! No more chemo, just like that! But, I'm not out of the woods yet. My big sister has a contagious virus and all big celebrations are called off.
Tell them:
Yep, you read that right. Cancer is over. Chemo is over. Just like that. No big count down. No taking-that-last-pill-picture. No crying. No big moment. No celebration over a turkey surrounded by my family, celebrating being done with cancer on Thanksgiving day itself like we had planned. It's just over now. I took my last pill this morning and had no idea it was the last one and just like that... Finito! Poof. No more chemo. We hadn't planned on that.
Why is cancer over? Well, I'll get to that too, but first, I want to talk about making plans. We, my family and I, had plans. We didn't have plans on acquiring cancer. That kinda came out of no where as it does for anybody. We weren't too keen on having the kind that lasts for two plus years, either, but we had plans on how to celebrate it being over. Big plans, but now it's over and it snuck out like a thief and we don't get to do what we planned. We feel kinda strange... How is it that this detour, this cancer thing we hadn't planned on, has a detour of its own?!?
Well, that's the way it is sometimes. And, the big take home message is, it's not really our plan anyway. God had us fooled this whole time. This big build up was for nothing, because He knew all along that my cancer journey would just end, like a finger snap, on a Wednesday afternoon. And you know what- how great! It's over! Who-hoo. I wasn't a fan of those daily crushed pills anyway. Who am I to question what's been planned all along for all time? God's timing is always better than my timing. Who are we to think we know better than God? Ha! Just when we think we have it all figured out, all planned out, there pops up the detour sign... And a gentle nudge: "Hey, You, go this way. I've got something even better planned for you."
Now, we don't always see the detour sign, and we don't always obey the nudge and sometime we make our own plans and follow a shortcut we think will work better, but God is the ultimate in GPS. He knows the right way for us to go, and it's silly for us to question it.
But, sometimes we can't help but question God.
Turn now, God? Take this detour?
You got it. No big Turkey day? No after cancer party? Alright...what's the plan? Why did you just pull all the fun out of my 10 day chemo countdown? And does no big thanksgiving last chemo day mean no big after cancer party too?
"Yes."
Now, wait a minute. No after cancer party two days after Thanksgiving? Mom had a pretty nifty shindig planned. What's going on there?
Well, it turns out my sister, who I've talked about here before has a pretty serious skin infection. It's so serious we can't even be in the same house. She's got Shingles and she's got a really weird type, it looks like the not contagious older person type, but it is acting like the airborne chicken pox type and it's on a 10 year old. So, no being in the same room as my sister for two weeks. Well, that means we wouldn't even be together for Thanksgiving, so the celebration I dreamed of where we all stand together hugging and cheering and jumping up and down couldn't have happened anyway on Thanksgiving day, because this year we can't all be together. And we couldn't all be together two days after either for the big after cancer party. So, that's why it's cancelled. Ha! I see your planning now, Big Man.
Now, for the reason as to why I can't finish out my last few days of chemo... Well, apparently my blood counts are too low and my immune system is too weak to keep taking this toxic pills. Great for me, really, good riddance drugs, but the reason my counts are low MAY be because I'm fighting the same bug my sister has. (And that would be Bad!)
Now, my mom is sure this isn't happening. She is putting her faith in God that He is bigger than a few red dots and that I won't break out with anything. The fact that my immune system is so depressed is just because it is. It was low two months ago for no good reason and its low now, just to give some extra flair to our cancer journey story, but it isn't low because of some communicable disease.
On the off chance that Mom is wrong... And watch out, them's fighting words, well, I'm going to need some serious prayer, but until then... I'm going to start my chemo free living!
Tell them what you told them.
No more cancer!
No more chemo!
No big Thanksgiving event or After Cancer Event, because my sister and I can't be in the same room together probably until December...
Yes, rather than all of the hub bub, we will have a small intimate day of soulful prayers of thanksgiving for my having made it all the way to the end of this part of my journey. Thanks for all of Mom and Dad's prayer warriors. Thanks for well wishers, for friends and for family. Thanks for scientists, doctors and nurses. Thanks for the opportunity to slow down and say thanks, and not get too caught up in all the pomp and circumstance of celebration. No planned last-chemo-day because that was God's plan all along.
Now, we did have a little celebration already. As I hinted, I turned 4 years old this week. Can you even believe it?! We didn't have a big birthday party either but that's ok. Instead of opening all of my gifts at once, I'm mastering opening one present every 4 to 6 hours. We couldn't do a grand present opening thing, because, again, mom had my sister in quarantine to keep me safe and we didn't want to party with her not there. Quarantining her is probably why I don't have this ugly bug that she has.
Who are we kidding, that quarantining my sister is the only reason I'm not sick yet? I'm only NOT sick because it's not in the plans for me to catch this thing. I'm the luckiest kid alive! Lucky because I have you praying for me. God is listening to your prayers and so far He's on board with your pleas to keep me safe!
So, pray for me. I really need it. The risk is scientifically really pretty great. And, pray your own soulful prayers of thanksgiving, for family, friends, food and all the opportunities and gifts you've been given. And lastly, pray for the ability to see the detour signs and heed the nudges.
Heaven knows what lies around the next bend. Maybe it's some quiet time, like it is for me, or maybe God's got a big party planned for you. Whatever it is: go with it. His plans are always better than ours. It's time to Let Go and Let God!
Happy Thanksgiving and thank you for your prayers.
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